don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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