I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
is it fun? or sober?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
