i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
