like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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