That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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