I think I died a long time ago.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
