quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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