You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
