i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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