just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
