I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
