No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
