You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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