He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
