I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
