I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
