is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
