Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
