Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
being pregnant is like rehab
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
