Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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