sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
