I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
try to milk me bitch
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
