Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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