porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
