I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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