the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize