Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
