you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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