Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
