I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
