Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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