How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
