i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
