So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
