my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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