it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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