So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
