I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
