Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
