obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
