when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
