I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
