I'm going to jail i love you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
