Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
