Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
