I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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