I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
