I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
