I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
