so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
