it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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