Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
