I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
