Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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