i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
