its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
