Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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