I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
