i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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