In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
