new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
