bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
