the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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