I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
