I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the day after is always just damage control
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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