He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize