i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So much Jack, so little girl.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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