I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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