I got chris browned last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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