Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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