U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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