I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
